Relationship Help For When You Cant Stop Fighting!
From Relationship Expert Bree Maresca-Kramer M.A.
For the most part, when a relationship is filled with fighting, the fighting is generally not about the core issue.
This comes as a surprise to many because they believe that the fight is a reflection of why they are so upset.
If they are fighting about the trash not being taken out without being told, when we explore deeper, the core issue is really about feeling taken for granted or not cared about and not about the trash.
Both men and women in a relationship filled with discord must get honest with themselves and one another.
What does this mean exactly?
It means that each partner must look within to discover what he or she is really angry about. This anger can come in all different forms but usually is hiding a deeper place of hurt and pain.
Once a couple is able to discover why they are so angry, it is time to share it with each other. However, how the way it is shared can make or break the relationship’s ability to heal.
For example, if you go to your partner and say, “I am so angry at you because you always make me feel so unloved,” this will shut down the lines of communication.
On the other hand, if you share, “I feel hurt because it seems as if you do not love me anymore,” the doors to communication open up.
The old saying that there are three sides to every story is true!
This is so, for each person has their own perception of what has occurred. This perception stems from their previous experiences, which colors how they see life.
Therefore, it is vital to take the time and have the patience to really listen to one another’s feelings and perceptions. This does not mean you may necessarily agree with them but remaining open to hearing them is extremely important.
Once each partner shares what he or she is feeling it is important for the other to validate or confirm those feelings. This helps each partner feel heard and bridges the communication towards healing the relationship.
An example of this may sound like this, “Honey, lately I feel you don’t love me anymore.” Which is reflected back with this confirmation, “I hear that you are feeling that I do not love you anymore…is that right?”
Once each partner is feeling heard there needs to be a clearing up of any misunderstandings. For example, is one partner is not feeling loved, it must be made certain that they are.
One of the main reasons I wrote the It’s That Simple! relationship help books for men and women was to help couples work through and heal their issues on their own. If you read and apply what you learn from the book you will see amazing transformations in your life and relationship!
Considered to be the Best Relationship Coach and Nationally Recognized Relationship Expert Bree Maresca-Kramer M.A. has been featured on NBC, CBS, The CW, FOX NEWS, National Radio Programming, The Chicago Tribune, Shape Magazine, In-Touch Magazine, The Nest Magazine, Woman’s Day Magazine, E-Harmony, AOL, and is a Relationship Expert Columnist for The Huffington Post. She has a Master’s Degree in Mental Health Counseling and over fifteen years of clinical experience working with individuals and couples.
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