Monthly Archives: January 2011
Here Bree reveals the secrets to getting good relationship help, and how to get the best out of your relationship help expert. The one thing a relationship absolutely needs is the willingness of the participants. When there is willingness present, most relationship trouble can be addressed and fixed. It allows the doors of communication to remain open, which in turn allows positive changes to occur. If willingness is not currently present in your relationship, the easiest way to develop it is through gaining understanding. When we understand the vulnerabilities of the other person and respect them, mountains of pain, anger and resentment can melt away.
For example, if your husband is blaming you for your child’s bad behaviors, it would be easy to get angry and attack your husband back. However, if you are able to understand why your husband is acting this way, you could actually bring a positive healing to the relationship. Perhaps you’ll discover that your husband feels guilty about causing your son’s behavior himself and is unable to face that, so he projects it onto you. Having the willingness, you could step back and ask calmly, without anger or defense, “Why do you feel it is my fault Timmy is acting this way?” By simply asking the question, you are providing the willingness to hear what your husband is really saying. Providing this type of open willingness leads to solutions instead of continual conflict and problems.
That is not to say that this will be easy. It takes great strength to not get angry and attack the other person while defending yourself and your position. In fact, the more common result is arguing. It becomes a continuum of attack-defend, defend-attack, attack-defend with a negative downward spiral into further anger and hurt. This shuts down any possibility of effective communication and potential solutions. A great tool to use to avoid entering into the attack-defend mode is to simply ask yourself, “Do I want to be right or do I want to be happy?” When the goal is to be “right,” the means includes beating the other person into submission of seeing your “rightness.” If the goal is to be “happy,” the means includes working together for a positive solution for all involved.
When we work together with understanding and willingness, it leads to positive solutions; however when we try to beat someone into submission with our arguing, it only creates more relationship trouble. The good news is that the choice is yours. You can choose to gain understanding and provide willingness or you can choose not to. By empowering yourself, you are set free from blaming your partner for “Making you act in certain ways”. Instead, you have the choice in every moment to decide how you will interact with your partner. You have the choice to continue on participating in a negative cycle of behavior or to create positive changes….which will you choose? Find out more about Bree Maresca-Kramer M.A., relationship expert, at http://www.itsthatsimple.ws
Good communication is absolutely necessary for any healthy and loving relationship. Anyone can communicate, but what makes communication good is whether it is effective. So what is good communication when it comes to having a better relationship? When your listener hears and understands your message and you hear and understand your listeners’ message, you can have good communication for a better relationship. These three simple steps are wonderful tools you can use to experience good communication for a better relationship:
1. Bree Maresca-Kramer M.A. Good Communication For A Better Relationship Tip #1: Be very clear on what you are trying to communicate.
Be very clear on the exact message you want to express. If you want to tell your spouse your feelings were hurt when they discussed your spending habits during last night’s dinner party, do not start off by yelling, “You never say nice things about me!” Immediately attacking your partner with a generalized opinion can instantly put them on the defensive, cause a fight and shut down any potential for good communication to occur. Remember, to engage in effective communication you want to encourage your partner to listen, not to shut you out. Rather than an attack, share your feelings with out attacking. Such communication sounds something like, “Last night at the dinner party, I felt hurt and embarrassed by your comment about my spending habits.” By sharing your feelings, rather than making accusations, you are creating a productive environment for good communication to occur.
2. Bree Maresca-Kramer M.A. Good Communication For A Better Relationship Tip #2: Have the suitable style of delivery for your particular listener.
Style of delivery simply means knowing that men and women are different. Men and women think, process information and communicate differently. When sharing information, men usually like to get straight to the facts while women tend to want to talk through everything. Therefore, if you’re going to speak with your wife about something that is bothering you, be prepared to present it in such a way that encourages her to have time to talk it through and process her feelings with you. Alternately, if you’re going to discuss with your husband something that is upsetting you, be prepared to bottom line the message and understand he wants to get through the conversation as quickly as possible.
3. Bree Maresca-Kramer M.A. Good Communication For A Better Relationship Tip #3: Actively listen to the conversation.
As an active listener you are being present in the moment, focusing on your partner and truly listening to the message your partner is trying to communicate. Not being an active listener is when you focus your attention on planning your come back or clever response that will prove your point. This creates an environment of defensiveness instead of a space of trust and attention. In the end, good communication is simpler than it seems. As long as you are being clear about what you want to say, delivering your message in a suitable manner, and actively listening in the conversation, you will experience the benefits with a better relationship.
Good relationship help interprets the feelings people experience when dealing with the unfaithfulness of their partners. These feelings include shock, denial, disillusionment, anger, disgust, nausea and more. Many times we feel a loss of trust in ourselves as well in others. Often times our self-esteem will be tested. It is a devastating experience with many layers of healing which will need to be worked through, preferably with a relationship help expert like Bree Maresca-Kramer M.A.. It seems that more and more men and women today are cheating on their partners. So really the question is “Why do people cheat while in relationships?”
The answers vary. Relationship help can narrow it down into categories which make it more understandable. Generally, a person cheats for one of these reasons: they are looking to get their unmet needs in the relationship fulfilled. They give into tempting situations. They have commitment issues. They have intimacy issues. They themselves have trust issues. They have abandonment issues and in some cases they are sex addicts. Depending upon the relationship and the person doing the cheating, they will usually fall into one or more of these categories. Relationship help is essential for the average person to help them move forward with their lives after an infidelity.
Begin with yourself. The first decision is whether your partner and the relationship are worth it. If you decide to try to work things out, seeking professional relationship help is a very good idea. Getting past infidelity can be very tricky for most people to do on their own without relationship help. If the cheating comes from needs not being met in the relationship, you must decide if your actions may have contributed to the cheating. This requires a great strength in character as it is much easier for us to blame the other person. However, taking responsibility for any part you had in the situation will help you grow as a person and speed up the healing of the relationship. Finally, whether you chose to stay in the relationship or not, forgiving is absolutely necessary for you to move on with your life in a healthy way. All of these things make it necessary for people to seek professional relationship help if they want to make it through these ordeals.
The road to forgiveness begins with understanding. This is not to say we accept abusive behaviors and say, “Oh Well, I understand you have a problem.” It simply means we move on with our lives without holding a grudge. Relationship help can bring us through all of this. When we judge and do not forgive, we are holding a sword over our own head. We are not free to live our lives from a place of wholeness and fulfillment. Instead, we are encumbered by the negative thoughts and feelings which forgiveness relieves. Relationship help with Bree allows you to move through all of this. Being betrayed is one of the most difficult things someone will go through. However, with relationship help healing is possible. Reaching forgiveness and being able to move forward with your life together in the relationship or apart is very possible with good relationship help. It does not need to be a devastating end; it can be the beginning of a deeper, richer, and more profound life with relationship help by Bree Maresca-Kramer M.A.