Often well-meaning, men and women of faith and good character can end up in a place they never thought possible. An innocent slight glance, warm smile, or humorous exchange may be just that. However, if one is not careful, warning signs may be missed along the way creating an “accidental” affair never intended.
“Definitely I would never end up in affair!” you may be thinking to yourself. Yet, it happens at an extraordinary high rate. “While percentages of extramarital sex (EMS) vary from study to study, it can be estimated that 50-60% of married men and 45-55% of married women engage in extramarital sex at some time or another during their marriage.*”
There are some common reasons both men and women end up having an affair.
- Unresolved discord in their marriage
- Ineffective communication skills
- An unsatisfactory marital sex life
- Financial pressures or distress
- Feeling unloved or taken for granted in the marriage
- Lack of physical affection
- Lost emotional connection
- Stressors of having and raising children
- Alcohol, substance, or drug use/abuse
- Unhealed childhood issues
Fortunately, if these elements are present in a marriage, this does not mean there will be an infidelity. It simply means that each partner should be careful to ensure they are addressing and healing what is wrong in their marriage.
Before an affair actually occurs, there are many steps or “warning signs” along the way. When these are heeded, an affair can definitely be stopped before it starts. Yet, when they are not… look out!!
Here are some common signs to be aware of…
- Feeling excited or “alive” when seeing the other person
- Thinking about the other person more than occasionally
- Finding excuses to have contact via text, email, phone, or in person with the other person
- Fantasying about the other person
- Comparing your spouse to the other person
- Finding more faults with your spouse
- Becoming more impatient or irritated with your spouse
- Rationalizing your thoughts and behaviors about the other person
Fundamentally people in our modernized society get married because they are in love and believe their marriage is going to work. They sign up for a lifetime of happy wedded bliss. However, when that is not the reality, having an affair is not the answer! If you feel you may be on the road of having an affair- simply stop, turn around, and reach out for help.
Relationship Coaching is a fantastic tool to use whether your relationship is on the rocks or needing some tweaking. When I work with a couple, I provide them with effective relationship tools to address what they are currently facing and what they may face in the future.
By far the number one issue I work on with couples is how to talk with one another in such a way that each person is being heard and understood.
The majority of relationship problems stem from either a lack of communication or poor communication.
When a man and a woman learn the skills to speak to one another in the right way, a whole new world opens up for them and their relationship. Frustrations, resentments, and anger are transcended into understanding, compassion and a deeper love!
Learning Your Love Language!
Each of us feels and expresses the love we have in a certain way. Learning how you and your partner express your love is vital in having a thriving relationship.
Often, when one partner is expressing their love to their partner, who does not have the same love language, this causes many problems. This is so because a disconnect occurs between the giving and receiving of love between them.
Reigniting The Passion!
Having a healthy and thriving sex life within your relationship is extremely important. When I work with couples, the majority of them have allowed the spark to die out. This in and of itself creates many unneeded problems for them.
Even if there is no sex life left within the relationship, the couples I work with learn how to rebuild their emotional and physical intimacy. If there are any physical or bio-chemical limitations those are also addressed. Once this is accomplished, the passion between them returns and so does their sexual wellness within the relationship!
This tool is absolutely vital in regards to any problem a couple may be facing. By the time a couple comes to me for help, they have allowed life stressors, family responsibilities, or career issues to divide and conquer them. I teach them how to come together and unite as a team in order to face down those things that tore them apart in the first place. This produces a much deeper bond and commitment and a happier, healthier relationship.
Considered to be the Best Relationship Coach and Nationally Recognized Relationship Expert Bree Maresca-Kramer M.A. has been featured on NBC, CBS, The CW, FOX NEWS, National Radio Programming, The Chicago Tribune, Shape Magazine, In-Touch Magazine, The Nest Magazine, Woman’s Day Magazine, E-Harmony, AOL, and is a Relationship Expert Columnist for The Huffington Post. She has a Master’s Degree in Mental Health Counseling and over fifteen years of clinical experience working with individuals and couples.
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