relationship help for couples
From Relationship Expert Bree Maresca-Kramer M.A.
For the most part, when a relationship is filled with fighting, the fighting is generally not about the core issue.
This comes as a surprise to many because they believe that the fight is a reflection of why they are so upset.
If they are fighting about the trash not being taken out without being told, when we explore deeper, the core issue is really about feeling taken for granted or not cared about and not about the trash.
Both men and women in a relationship filled with discord must get honest with themselves and one another.
What does this mean exactly?
It means that each partner must look within to discover what he or she is really angry about. This anger can come in all different forms but usually is hiding a deeper place of hurt and pain.
Once a couple is able to discover why they are so angry, it is time to share it with each other. However, how the way it is shared can make or break the relationship’s ability to heal.
For example, if you go to your partner and say, “I am so angry at you because you always make me feel so unloved,” this will shut down the lines of communication.
On the other hand, if you share, “I feel hurt because it seems as if you do not love me anymore,” the doors to communication open up.
The old saying that there are three sides to every story is true!
This is so, for each person has their own perception of what has occurred. This perception stems from their previous experiences, which colors how they see life.
Therefore, it is vital to take the time and have the patience to really listen to one another’s feelings and perceptions. This does not mean you may necessarily agree with them but remaining open to hearing them is extremely important.
Once each partner shares what he or she is feeling it is important for the other to validate or confirm those feelings. This helps each partner feel heard and bridges the communication towards healing the relationship.
An example of this may sound like this, “Honey, lately I feel you don’t love me anymore.” Which is reflected back with this confirmation, “I hear that you are feeling that I do not love you anymore…is that right?”
Once each partner is feeling heard there needs to be a clearing up of any misunderstandings. For example, is one partner is not feeling loved, it must be made certain that they are.
One of the main reasons I wrote the It’s That Simple! relationship help books for men and women was to help couples work through and heal their issues on their own. If you read and apply what you learn from the book you will see amazing transformations in your life and relationship!
Considered to be the Best Relationship Coach and Nationally Recognized Relationship Expert Bree Maresca-Kramer M.A. has been featured on NBC, CBS, The CW, FOX NEWS, National Radio Programming, The Chicago Tribune, Shape Magazine, In-Touch Magazine, The Nest Magazine, Woman’s Day Magazine, E-Harmony, AOL, and is a Relationship Expert Columnist for The Huffington Post. She has a Master’s Degree in Mental Health Counseling and over fifteen years of clinical experience working with individuals and couples.
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Relationships are like a living creature and can require relationship help during it’s life. There are times when even celebrity couples need relationship help to avoid into common relationship issues. A particularly nervy time a couple can need relationship help is when a new child is coming.
A baby bring love & joy, but also stressors that can negatively impact a couple, creating a need for relationship help. New parents, especially famous ones, are often sleep-deprived and inadvertently re-focus all their attention on the new baby. This causes stress in the couple’s relationship. The couple may find that they are resentful towards each other and in some cases the baby, if certain relationship help steps are not taken.
Relationship Help for Couples with a New Baby #1: Baby-proof your relationship. Keep a healthy amount of time and effort on your relationship as well as the baby.
Relationship Help for Couples with a New Baby #2: Although it may feel like you will never sleep again, you will. Take special care to sleep when your baby does, to reduce the sleep deprivation you will feel.
Relationship Help for Couples with a New Baby #3: Feeling angry? It is normal to have negative feelings toward your partner including anger, resentment, and frustration. With effective communication these are easily worked through.
Relationship Help for Couples with a New Baby #4: Stay on the same team. Approach issues with a team-centered mentality to foster supportive behaviors toward each other.
Relationship Help for Couples with a New Baby #5: Love is still there. Remember that love is there even though there are moments when you cannot feel it. Sleep deprivation along with new baby stressors can lead to times of “not feeling the love” for your partner. Be patient, it will settle down and you will feel the love again.
Putting these five relationship help tools for couples with a new baby to good use, you will avoid unnecessary conflict and create a long-lasting relationship and a thriving new family!
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