Much of the time, our relationship gets into trouble because we forget that men and women are different. Yes, it is true! Men and women are different. We are different physically, the way we communicate, in the way we think, and process our thoughts and feelings. A great example of this occurred with the first session I had with a couple for marital counseling. When they made the appointment, I had pre-assigned the homework for each of them to come to the first session with a personal notebook and their written individual goals for therapy. I kid you not; the woman came with a beautiful designer decorated journal with the first page filled with her goals while the man showed up with his goals written on the back of some business card! It was classic.
In the beginning of a relationship—the honeymoon phase, the newness creates an increase in good feelings, excitement, passion, and interest in one's partner. After a while, when this phase settles down into the "real" part of the relationship, this heightened emotional state naturally decreases. As it decreases, so does the motivation to impress one's partner.
Generally, this can lead to feeling less passionate within the relationship. Often when one loses interest in the passion and/or sex, there is also a lose of interest in caring about looking good or sexy. This can cause one to grow too comfortable, stop taking care of themselves, and then gain unnecessary weight.
The good news is this does not have to happen!
One of the pinnacle reasons couples break-up or divorce is due to their financial issues negatively affecting their relationship. This occurs due to the many-layered dynamics between money and each partner in the relationship. Either one or both partners may have
- A need for control or power
- An unwillingness to compromise
- A lack of financial understanding
- A poverty consciousness
- Feelings of being used, misunderstood and/or resentment
These dynamics then play out in varied ways in the relationship. Some of the more common examples of this are when:
- One partner is a frugal spender while the other spends excessively.
- One partner budgets his/her finances and the other does not pay attention to spending habits.
- One partner has an expensive hobby that the other feels should not be part of the budget.
- One partner does not share and discuss large financial purchases with the other beforehand.
These types of situations usually lead to a breakdown of communication, loss of respect, and ultimately the ending of the relationship itself.
In order to avoid becoming another statistic and help your relationship thrive there must be effective communication. This entails discussing one's thoughts, feelings, and concerns with the other in a way that does not create an argument. This sounds easy enough to do; however, many couples need real help with their relationship in this area.
Another essential is adopting an attitude of compromise. This means finding a mutually acceptable balance of spending and saving that each partner feels good about. Although, this seems like it could be impossible to get to, with the right communication and conflict resolution skills it is very attainable.
Finally, there must always be a high level of mutual respect for each other. When one partner undermines or negates the importance of their significant other's feelings or concerns, it leads to great damage in the foundation of the relationship.
Although money is a widespread trigger point for both men and women, it is something that can be addressed and healed. I successfully help my clients dealing with this issue in their relationship by addressing the deeper issues for them and their partner. I walk my clients through a process of understanding and resolution in order to create harmony and happiness in their relationship.
To be or not to be that is the question is uttered by Hamlet in William Shakespeare's famous play Hamlet. He makes this statement when he is trying to decide whether or not to kill himself. This quote is so apropos when making the decision to divorce or not. For ending a marriage, even if you are the one who wants to end it, is similar to going through a death.
Commonly divorces are messy, sad, hurtful, painful, and sometimes very nasty. If there are children involved, it is even worse. It is by far one of the most difficult experiences one can go through.