I often hear this question from the person who really wants their relationship to work. Even though they may be feeling deflated or angry, they want to find a solution to their relationship problems. On the other hand, when someone is aloof about his or her relationship, usually he or she has already emotionally checked out of the relationship.
In addition to love, relationships work when there are certain elements present.
The first of these is that both partners are willing to do what it takes to make it work. This means that when a problem arises that each partner does not blame or attack their partner but works together to get through it.
The second is having common or complementing life goals. This does not mean each partner must absolutely love what the other does, however, it does mean that they have a high enough compatibility level that arguments do not ensue over what they want to do or plan to do. For example, if a husband who loves golf is married to a non-golfer, they can still be very happy together if they share the same life goals and/or spiritual beliefs.
Third is the fact that they really enjoy and like one another. Have you ever been around a couple who just do not like one another? It is an experience that is extremely uncomfortable and filled with tension. On the other side of this coin, have you been around a couple who genuinely likes and enjoys each other? It is a completely different experienc because they are acting kindly and lovingly towards one another.
The fourth, each partner is and remains committed to their relationship. This is especially important when the relationship hits rough patches, as all relationships do at one point or another. This couple never considers leaving one another; instead they look for ways to resolve the current issues or problems.
Finally, yet most importantly, are effective communication skills and successful relationship tools. When a couple can effectively communicate, they are able to share, listen, and exchange their ideas, thoughts and feelings with one another and both feel heard. Unfortunately, when a couple does not have these skills, they are ripe for misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and damage to their relationship.
Having successful relationship tools includes being able to employ conflict resolution skills along with being able to keep the emotional and physical intimacy alive.
I work with a couple over the phone and teach them the skills and tools they need to have a happy, healthy, and lasting relationship. My clients experience instant results and are amazed at how quickly their relationship changes for the better!
If you need help your relationship, contact me here.