If you are wondering if your partner is cheating on you, there are generally two reasons why:
- You have your own personal trust issues that make believing in your partner’s loyalty difficult.
- You have a real reason to be concerned about your partner’s fidelity.
Let’s first focus on your abilty to trust.
Everyone has an inherent ability to trust others with their emotions. Unfortunately, though, life experiences can challenge how easily you trust another person and feel safe letting down your guard. Your ability to trust becomes “trust issues” when you are burdened by negative or harmful childhood experiences or damaging adult relationship experiences. When we go through emotional hardships that damage our trust, overcoming these emotional roadblocks can be difficult.
No matter what current situation in your relationship is testing your trust, the “issue” is located not with your partner but, rather, within you. Because the way we emotionally respond to our partners is usually a reflection of our own emotional state, your reaction to the situation can be a good clue to what deeper issues are at hand.
The good news, however, is that your trust issues can be fixed and you can live life free from them harming you any further. I work with men and women successfully helping them to heal their old wounds so they can have a healthy and happy relationship.
Now, if you have a real reason to be concerned about your partner’s fidelity, the key is to allow yourself to listen to your gut. Your “gut” is the place where — when you slow down, get quiet and listen — you can hear a small, still voice. So often, we are too busy, our lives are too loud, and we are too caught up in everything externally to be able to hear what our gut has to say. Or sometimes, you might know what your gut is saying but the reality this answer provides is too hard to address, so your answer becomes buried underneath all the stuff life piles on top.
To develop a true understanding of the answer your gut can provide, try employing the following steps:
1. Simply stop whatever you are doing
2. Take in long, deep breaths
3. Allow yourself to relax
4. Clear your mind of all thoughts and distractions
5. Be still
Once you are completely relaxed, fully calm and still, simply ask yourself, “Is he/she cheating on me?”
With the question acknowledged, keep breathing those long, deep breaths — and listen. Listen to your small, still voice and not your fear. By doing so, your truth will be revealed to you. As you practice being still in the moment and listening to your gut, you will be able to discern the difference between the answers of truth and the answers of fear. Be sure to stay calm, still and listen. Your answers are right there within you!
If your answer is yes, the next step would be to ask yourself the following questions:
“If this answer is true, how do I feel?”
“If this answer is true, what do I want to see happen with this situation?”
Facing the reality of your answers and dealing with your feelings in a gentle, self-loving and self-honoring way will help you through the difficult questions.
Once your answers are found and you are ready to communicate with your partner in a calm way, make a plan to do so. Remember, this conversation can potentially turn into an emotionally charged and destructive situation. As painful and devastating as this can be, having an explosive or violent reaction will only cause you and your partner more harm in already difficult circumstances.
To help ensure you approach this topic constructively and not destructively, be sure to communicate all of your feelings with your partner in a manner that honors yourself and your relationship.
In the end, the decision to stay in the relationship or leave is yours alone. Believe it or not, I have helped couples heal from and infidelity and rebuild an amazing relationship. If you need help repairing your relationship or moving on from it, reach me here and I will help you get through it.