Ahhh, the age old question: How can I fix my wife or husband?!
The answer? It’s simple! You cannot “fix” anyone. The only person you can change is yourself. I know this is not what you would like to hear but it is the truth.
You can share with your spouse how you feel about their words, actions, or issues but you absolutely cannot “fix” them. The only way anyone can be “fixed” is for the individual to recognize there is a problem and then want to change it.
This includes any problems in the relationship from the tiniest concerns; such as never putting the cap back on the toothpaste tube, to the very largest concerns; such as addictions, depression, or any chronically debilitating issues your spouse may be experiencing.
While it may seem as though you can absolutely fix your partner’s issues because you love them so much and feel you are able to see what is best for them, no person can be “fixed” by someone else.
The best thing you can do is to express your feelings and concerns with your partner and then shift from focusing on “fixing” your spouse to looking at yourself.
So often, we want to fix our spouse because he or she is an easier target. By pointing the finger at the other person and focusing our attention on our spouse’s “ugly parts,” we get to avoid looking at ourselves and addressing the areas in our own lives that need healing. Most of the time, people have no idea this is what they are actually doing. They believe that if their partner can "start doing this or stop doing that" that they will be happy.
By letting go of trying to fix your partner and focusing on looking inwardly, you get to let go of all of the burdensome efforts of trying to do the impossible: all of the cajoling, begging, lecturing, pleading, manipulating, and guilt are released from your life.
I help men, women, and couples find their way through their problems to a healthy and happy relationship with themselves and their partner. I do this with my clients around the country via telephone or Skype sessions. I walk each client through an individualized healing process to identify, address, and heal the issues creating unhappiness in their life and relationship.