Relationship Expert Bree Maresca-Kramer M.A.

More times than not, when starting a relationship, it is as if we bump into one another and unconsciously utter to ourselves, Hmmm, maybe, just maybe this person will make it all better. Consequently, we enter the relationship from a place of perceived lack instead of a place of wholeness.

This place of lack comes in many forms, such as lack of self-worth, fears, insecurities, or feelings of inadequacy. These forms, which often come from our childhoods, can exist in varying degrees and levels. They are created when as a child our individual needs were not met by our parent or parents or if there were any type of abuse or neglect.

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This common pattern occurs as we unconsciously look to our relationship and partner to "fix" these places within ourselves.

I use the word "unconsciously" because most of the time we are not aware of this dynamic. The irony and often-devastating part of this patterning is that it never works. It never works because there is no one or thing outside of ourselves that can "fix" us, only we can do that. Sure, we can be encouraged, educated, guided, and enlightened but ultimately we must "fix" ourselves.

Therefore, when the excitement of the honeymoon ends and each person is left with those unhealed places within, trouble ensues in the relationship.

This is when a couple starts treating one other with a lack of kindness, respect, and honor slowly but surely tearing apart the relationship. As well, this is when effective communication decreases creating hurt feelings and resentments.

The simple solution to this negative and often cyclical behavioral patterning is to simply stop, take responsibility, and consciously choose to participate in the relationship from a place of love.

Once we recognize that our partner cannot "fix" us, we can take responsibility for this "fixing" ourselves, and then begin our inner journey. This is the journey of self-discovery, self-awareness, and healing. From this empowered place, we can then truly love our partner and come from a place of love in our relationship to make it strong and lasting.

If you find your self needing some help with your relationship please contact me here.