Bree on The Huffington Post April 2012

huffington post



Psst! Hey Guys, Don't Text While Dating

If you are interested in a woman you want to win her over... right? Unfortunately, in today's era of techno-dating, men are unknowingly failing and, in some cases, turning women off completely.

Right from the start, you should know one simple rule about texting and dating: Women prefer that a man calls her rather than texts. This may seem shocking to you because texting seems like a convenient and easy way to communicate. However, women want you to call because it shows them you're interested in making the effort. A woman wants you to ask her how her day was, tell her that you're thinking about her, mention how beautiful she is to you -- all while listening to her voice on the other end of the phone. This is what will sweep her off her feet.

Since there is often a huge gap between what women want and what men know how to do, here are some important guidelines to help you get, and keep, the girl of your dreams.

The First Date

At the end of a great first date, women want you to ask them out again, securing the next time you will see them. Men's magazines and websites will advise against this, but beware of men giving advice to men about women. So, if you're interested and she is too, ask her out for a second date. Later that evening or the next day, send her a confirming text. It could say something like, "I had a great night with you. Thank you!" or "I had a great time. I'm looking forward to seeing you again." Women love this. Remember the goal -- you are trying to charm her!

Post First Date

Until your second date, you will need to keep the connection going. You can do this by using one simple text a day saying something like, "Good morning, I hope you have a wonderful day!" or "Thinking of you and hoping your day is going great!" You do not want to over-text her so early on, as she will become quickly annoyed that you are not calling instead.

The Second Date

Now the rules really change. If you like one another and you think this is going somewhere, there are two things you must do: secure a third date and start calling her. You can still use the once a day text, but add in a phone call every couple of days to keep the connection going and building. The phone calls are an important piece of the getting-to-know-you process. Be sure to ask her questions about her day, career, and interests. Women absolutely love this because it once again tells them how special they are to you.

The Third Date and Beyond

By now, you are well on your way to something good with her! Continue to use the same formula of asking her out at the end of the date, using minimal texting, but now increase your calling to at least once a day. Use the phone time in between your dates to let her know how interested you are in getting to know her better. Ask her about her hopes, dreams, fears, etc., and be sure to let her know how much you are looking forward to seeing her again.

As your dates increase so should your texts and phone calls. At this point, you are working on not only winning her, but also on building a good relationship. A vital piece in making this happen is to establish a consistent pattern of quality intimacy building communication by phone.

It was not that long ago when texting was still an unknown form of communication. The ironic part is that many women wish it still were! If you use texting in the right way, it can help build and add to your dating life. However, making it your main line of communication will leave you alone scratching your head asking "What went wrong?!"

Texting Do's & Don'ts While Dating

  •     Never text during a date! It is extremely rude and a complete turn off for women.
  •     Always use texts for playful, flirtatious banter, quick hellos or check-ins.
  •     Never text long conversations about your day, job, family, issues etc.
  •     Always keep the texts light and airy and away from any thing that may involve emotionally charged content.
  •     Never use texting as a habitual way of communicating. It makes a woman see you in a less flattering light and will most likely cause her to look somewhere else.
  •     Do send sweet and romantic texts but avoid lewd or overly sexual texts, especially when you just start dating.
  •     Never, under any circumstance, break up with a woman by text or email. Ending a dating or love relationship in this way is a sign of cowardice and disrespect.








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