Bree Maresca-Kramer


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I am recently divorced and seeing a therapist. I want to look for someone because I am lonely but I don't want to pick the same type of man as my husband. Can you help?

Dear "Feeling Alone"

It is great you are aware that you do not want to pick the same type of partner. This is actually a very common dynamic, which occurs because we believe that if we just change partners everything will be all better. However, until we address the core issues about what is really going on within ourselves, we will continue to pick the same type of person.

I want to encourage you that right now you are actually in a great place!  You are working with a therapist and free from a relationship in which you were unhappy.  Even though you may feel lonely, you are in a key position to change your life.  If you jump right back into another relationship, you most likely will pick the same type of man as your former husband.  However, if you take this time and focus on getting to know yourself and healing those places within, your choices for your life will be far more rewarding and successful.  I often recommend that during this alone time, you date yourself.  It may sound silly but it really works.  For right now, put all of the energy you would into a new relationship with a man into yourself. You will be amazed at the results!

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