Bree Maresca-Kramer

 

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How do I stop fighting with my partner? “Gregster”:

Dear “Gregster”:

It takes a great strength of character to not get angry and proceed to attack the other person while defending yourself and your position.  In fact, that is the more common interaction when people start arguing. It becomes a continuum of attack-defend, defend-attack, attack-defend with a negative downward spiral into further anger and hurt.  This then creates a shutting down of any type of possibilities of effective communication and potential solutions.  A simple great tool to use to avoid entering into the attack-defend mode is to simply ask yourself, “Do I want to be right or do I want to be happy?”  When the goal is to be right, the means includes beating down the other person into submission of seeing your “rightness”.  If the goal is to be happy, the means includes working together for a positive solution for all involved.  When we work together with understanding and willingness, it leads to positive solutions; however when we try to beat someone into submission of seeing that we are right, it only creates more relationship trouble.  So “Gregster, what will you choose?

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