Bree Maresca-Kramer


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How do I say no to people, I feel so bad about it? “Wimpy”

Dear “Wimpy:

First of all, you are not so wimpy! You found the courage to ask and seek out and answer to create change in your life and that takes courage. Congratulations on taking the first step to learning how to say no.  The second step involves

creating self-honoring boundaries.  Self-honoring boundaries means that you honor yourself and do not sacrifice yourself for someone else’s needs.  For example, if you are able and wanting to do something for someone, you say, “Yes”, however, if you are not feeling able or saying yes would be too much for you, your answer is, “No”.  If saying the word, “No” is too hard for you at first, then you could use an alternative phrase, something like, “I am sorry, I just am not able to do that right now”, “I am not comfortable with that” or “ I would love to be able to help you, I just cannot at this time”.  If you have always put others needs ahead of your own self-care, this will take some time to get use to.


However, the more you practice it, the easier it will become. You see, when we are coming from a self-honoring place, we are operating from an authentic place which leads to a healthier more balance life.  It is when we are living from this authentic and balanced place that we are more able to give from a real place of genuine desire to help instead of a false place of just trying to please others.  You then are able to give and feel good about it rather than giving and resenting it. It’s a win-win situation!

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