Dear Not His Mother,
When a man tells you he cannot have sex with you and does not have deep feelings for you because you remind him of his mother that is very difficult but not impossible to move past.

Often, people will attract partners into their life because of unresolved issues they have with one or both parents. It sounds as if this is what is going on with your boyfriend.

Dear AJ,
The first thing to do is to share with your wife in a calm and loving way how much you love her and that you are willing to do whatever it takes to work things out.

If she is at the point of wanting a divorce, things have gotten to a very serious and difficult place. Without knowing what the fights or issues are about exactly, I am assuming they are the common one's most married couples face—finances, infidelity, parenting issues, loss of physical and emotional intimacy, and a lack of effective communication.

Dear Kiwi,
I understand your deep concern for your husband and his well-being. Your husband is experiencing three major life stressors (moving, starting a new job, and the passing of his mother) all at the same time. This is extremely difficult! Many people have a hard time getting through just one of these stressors and he is handling all three.  

The first step is to understand how difficult this situation is and let him know so. You can say something like, "I understand how hard this is for you."

Dear Elizabeth,

II am so sorry to hear you are in a marriage where your husband is "making you feel bad about yourself."  That is such a difficult place to be in that truly affects all the other areas of your life.  Unfortunately, you are not alone in this as many women are going through the exact same thing.

I would like to start by sharing with you something that may sound hard to believe or accept. The fact is that no one can make you feel badly about yourself. I bolded the word "make" to emphasize that it is impossible for one human being to make another feel something they do not agree with internally.  In other words, you can agree with someone who thinks you are not that great and tells you so but they cannot "make" you feel badly about yourself out of nowhere.

This might be a tough concept to understand at first but hang in there with me as I explain what I mean.

Elizabeth, If you truly feel good about who you are, you will not agree with someone’s negative opinion of you. You feeling badly about yourself only occurs if somewhere down deep inside you agree with them and what they are saying about you.

Now that being said, if your husband is being verbally or physically abusive, that is a completely different story. Even the best self-esteems will break down when exposed to abuse over time.

If this is the case for you, getting professional help to carefully remove yourself from the abuse is vital. I have helped many women in this situation recover and rebuild happy and healthy lives for themselves-please contact me here if this is what you are going through.

If he is not abusive, then it is time to look at what exactly is "making" you feel badly.

Sometimes, a spouse can trigger insecurities and emotions that you did not even realize were there.  Other times, it boils down to poor communication skills.

For instance, I had a women client who was overweight and her husband would joke about it. He was not trying to hurt her feelings; he was worried about her health but had very poor communication skills.  I worked with both of them and showed her how to express how she was feeling about his comments and taught him how to tell her how much he cared about her health without hurting her feelings.

The answer lies in becoming very clear on what the real cause of you feeling badly is all about and then healing it.  I work with women on this issue all of the time. Believe me, It is  amazing to take control of your emotions and empower yourself in your life and relationship.

I would love to help you do this! 

 
For every woman reading this ... if you are experiencing this and are ready to take back your power and feel better right now then  pleae know you can!  

Reach me here and we will get started right away!