Looking to Your Partner To Give You Something They Can’t?
In my work over the years, I have found that both men and women enter into relationships with unrealistic expectations. They idealistically jump in with a picture of what a great relationship should be but end up very disappointed when their partner does not deliver it. Some would say that women tend to due this more frequently than men, however, in my work I have found it to be equal on both sides of the sexes.
So Why does this happen?
Most commonly this occurs because the person feels a certain void or “lack” within them and tries to fill that with their partner.
This never ever, ever works! Why?
Simply because of the fact that a person cannot heal or fix that empty space within another human being. That can only be accomplished by the person doing what I like to call their “inner work.” This inner work involves honestly looking at oneself; the good and the not so good parts, taking personal responsibility, learning how to accept and love oneself and doing the healing work that is necessary.
Another reason this happens with people is that they have bought into a false idea of what a healthy relationship really is all about. This happens due to television, movies, and music that sell the “fantasy” of a relationship and not the reality of one.
For women, this has commonly been called the “Cinderella complex.” It is the buying into the fairytale of the prince saving her and experiencing a happily-ever-after that does this to women.
For men, there is no such name, yet they hold onto the vision of the “perfect women.” This woman will be beautiful, sexy, smart, talented, want sex constantly and take care of all of his needs while not having any need of her own. Of course this does not exist, but men have also bought into the fantasy.
So what are realistic expectations to have when it comes to a healthy relationship?
- Everyday will not be magical and filled with grand romance.
- The sex will not always be earth shattering and incredible.
- There will be days where one or both partners are in a bad mood.
- Your partner will eventually do things that annoy you.
- You will wish certain things about your partner were different.
- There will be moments when you will question your relationship.
- There will be times when you have a mis-communication with one another.
- You may go through tough times like a job loss, health issues, or financial struggles.
- You will have to compromise.
- You will feel angry at, frustrated with, disappointed in and hurt by your partner.
However you can also expect:
- Having times when the sex is unbelievable and the Earth does move!
- Your love to grow deeper and more profound as time passes!
- Feeling deeply grateful for having your partner in your life!
- Feeling loved and supported by your partner!
- Wanting to share all the good with your partner!
- Having fun just by being together!
- Creating a life full of meaningful memories!
- Laughing together and sharing joyful times!
- Learning more about yourself!
- Having a best friend and lover to walk through life with!
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