Why Men Throw Away Great Women!
She has everything he is looking for; she is beautiful, smart, sexy, funny, successful, great to be with, and treats him like gold!!! She is the whole package, every man’s dream. As their relationship begins to develop they have great fun and laugh together, have great chemistry for one another, and even introduce their friends and family to one another. Everything is moving along well with an incredible future together on the horizon. Then a slight hiccup occurs and he runs away leaving her shocked, confused and extremely hurt.
Then she comes to me for relationship help asking, “Why did this happen? What did I do wrong? I thought he was falling in love with me? I never saw this coming…what did I miss? ”
The answers for her and all other amazing women who find themselves in this position can be simply narrowed down into these following few categories.
Even though he may come across strong and confident, deep down inside he does not feel that ultimately he is enough to make her happy.
For instance, he may feel he is not good looking or in shape enough for her, he may feel his penis is not large enough, he may even feel that his receding or thinning hair will turn her off one day. Perhaps he is worried he is not successful enough or that what he makes financially will not be enough to provide for them as a couple or family.
Most of the time, these things are greatly hidden from the woman he is involved with and in many cases from himself. Yes! Often a man is unaware of these insecurities about himself until he meets and starts falling for a woman who is incredible.
Unfortunately, instead of looking at these areas of insecurity in himself as an opportunity to grow and evolve as a man, he runs away. He generally will find a woman that is less intimidating for him so that he does not have to look at himself but can feel good around another woman who has less going for her.
Sadly, she is left having to guess what went wrong in the relationship and frequently starts blaming herself.
He may be incredibly affectionate, communicate about his daily life, and appear to be listening as she shares deeper parts of herself with him but he is emotionally shut down.
What does this mean exactly?
Somewhere along his life, whether in childhood or adulthood, he experienced something that created the need for a protective wall to be built around him. Whether it was never feeling he lived up to his father’s expectations, some type of abuse, or being stuck in a miserable marriage, the coping mechanism he developed was to turn off his feelings so he could be ok in the situation.
As with all coping mechanisms, they serve a purpose at the time. However, can end up causing harm down the road when not let go of after the initiating experience is over.
In the case of a man being emotionally closed, his ability to not feel or at least to not feel things deeply served him well. Yet, when it comes to allowing real love and a great relationship with an incredible woman, it does not serve him well at all. In fact it makes him bail.
You see, once he starts falling in love, these strong feelings for her trigger a fear and ignite his once useful coping mechanism. In other words, a warning signal or “mayday” message is sent to his brain causing him to pull back and then find reasons to throw her away. In almost every case, he is dong this on an unconscious level and has no idea what is happening.
He most likely will find a woman to have a casual “friends with benefits” relationship with so that he does not have to face nor deal with any strong feelings for her.
Again, this is sadly another missed opportunity for personal growth and to chance to experience real love.
Yes, there is such thing as bad timing when it comes to relationships. You can have two wonderful people who would be great together, but the timing just is not right.
In this case, he is not necessarily throwing her away, he is passing on her, all she has to offer him, and a relationship because he is not ready.
The most common time this happens is when he is freshly out of a broken relationship or divorce. He may want the companionship and love but just in not healed from his relationship or marriage.
An honorable man recognizes this in himself and tells the woman know right up front or as soon as he himself figures it out.
The problem that arises is that the woman does not hear him or want to hear what he is saying and hangs in there hoping he will come around. When this dynamic happens in relationships, more times than not he will eventually throw her away as a level of respect needed for a successful relationship has been lost.
Learning that the great guy you thought was going to be “the one” falls into one or more of these categories may not end your pain but it does give you an understanding of what may have happened.
If you need more answers or guidance I would love to help you!
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