Broken Hearted? How To Turn It Into A Blessing!
When someone you care for or love tells you any version of these types of things…
• They feel your relationship is great but they see it headed down the road of marriage and they are not sure that is what they really want with you.
• They have found someone else.
• They do not feel for you what you feel for them.
• They are unhappy and want out of the relationship.
…the emotional pain can be excruciating!
Rejection in any form hurts immediately but it also sends a person into an emotional state that feels horrible which can last for some time. This is especially true when it comes out of the blue and blind sides the person.
The bottom line is when this happens you most likely are shocked, hurting and probably even angry that the very person you allowed into your heart and life has created this heartbreak and pain for you.
The question now becomes what do you do next?
Basically you have two choices.
The first involves you allowing this to turn you sour on love and that person, leaving you damaged.
Yes, you can blame them, think or even say nasty things about them, point the finger and play the victim card of “how can you do this to me?” However, in the end, handling it in this way solves nothing. In fact, it does something even more negative, it creates a layer of pain you carry with you into your life and next relationship.
The other choice, which of course is the reason I am writing this article, is to encourage you to find the lesson and heal.
In every heart break there is an incredible opportunity for personal growth.
Although that may sound a bit “Poly Anna” it is the truth. When we can get out of our own way and stop feeling sorry for ourselves, we can expand our understanding of ourselves, and become a richer and deeper person for it. We can move forward stronger, wiser, and even more capable of fully loving another and ourselves.
How does a person do this?
Well, first there is the pain. Yes, you will have to feel the pain of the person you care for or love rejecting you. It hurts and there is no way of getting around it. You may want to skip this part, which many do, by drinking, drugs, sex, shopping, working, jumping into another relationship…you name it. However, the fact is that to fully heal you must feel and walk through the pain to the other side. This is a vital part of the grieving and healing process for you.
Second, you shift your perception. The fact is that we never own or possess another as our own. It may feel as if that special person is yours but in reality each of us is our own person and on our own journey through this life. If your partner feels not ready for the next step or that you are not right for one another that is their right. For example, if a person is scared of moving forward with your great relationship, it usually has to do with their past experience and fears. Therefore, allowing them to be who they are and where they are on their personal life journey helps you heal.
How? Because you honor the fact that you are separate souls having this human experience and that they are where they need to be to get them to where they need to go. In other words, accepting the truth of what is for the person helps you move on more quickly. Holding onto the person or the relationship because of how you feel about them only keeps you stuck in the pain.
There are certainly times when a person wakes up and realizes they threw away the best thing that could ever happen and you are able to reunite and make the relationship work. However the person must come to that awareness on their own. Therefore, chasing them, trying to convince them of how great you are, or that you belong together does not work. Accepting what is and moving forward in the healing process is the healthiest thing you can do for yourself.
Thirdly, you search for the lesson in the experience for your own personal growth. Is there anything you could have done better in the relationship? Could you have been more communicative, more giving, more understanding, more compassionate, or more willing? If so, learn from that and take that wisdom with you to do better in your next relationship. Perhaps there is a childhood issue that surfaced for you. Certainly for those with abandonment issues this is an awesome chance to heal that deep wound once and for all.
Finally, you take the good and leave the rest. Instead of trashing the person and your time together you can choose to see all the good and love that you were blessed to experience.
Life is a sequence of experiences that we can always chose to extract the beauty from. After all, if you truly cared for or loved the person that does not go away just because they do no want to be with you any longer. Carry the love and allow it to expand you as a person.
The worse thing you can do is to become bitter and emotionally shut down. Even though that may feel better in the moment in the long run it leaves you empty and void.
In the relationship and self-help books It’s That Simple! for men and women you have the opportunity to walk through the healing process whether you are in a relationship or not. There is a chapter on “Healing The Inner Child” that is incredibly helpful for men and women, especially during a break-up.
If you feel you need more help than a book I want you to know I am here for you!
Reach out to me here and I will help you get through this time and turn it into a blessing in your life!
help books online and free relationship help advice