Relationship Help For Women: How To Talk To A Man
The most common mistake women make when trying to talk with their man is thinking that he can hear, listen, translate, and understand her like another woman could.
When I am working with a woman who is having relationship problems, one of the main issues we address is how to communicate with him. The majority of women who have this issue in their relationship feel frustrated because they do not feel heard by their man.
However, when you know how to talk with your man, effective communication can and will happen!
Shift Your Expectations!
Once a woman understands that she is talking with a man versus another woman, she has taken a giant first step in communicating with him.
Most men do not communicate in the same way women do. Therefore, the first step is to understand whom you are talking to and what you will get out of the exchange. Expecting him to fully listen, completely hear, and understand all of your feelings around what you are telling him is an unrealistic expectation.
On the other hand, desiring him to get what you are telling him is a realistic expectation when you know how to talk with him.
Know What You Want To Say!
When communicating with a man it is very important to have a clear idea of what you are trying to communicate. Women typically talk through their feelings in a conversation as a way to get to the place of understanding what they are feeling. In other words, women will talk to process through their thoughts and feelings. However, when this is done while talking with a man, he ends up confused and frustrated. It is always better to start the conversation off with knowing what you want to communicate.
For example, if you want to talk with him about going on vacation, saying something like this does not work, “Honey, I am so overwhelmed lately with work and the kids, I am tired and feeling old. I think it would be good to get away. I am not sure we can afford it or where we could go, but I think it would be good for us. I know I could use some rest, but if the kids go I don’t know if that would happen, what do you think?”
However, this would work, “Honey, I want us to go away together.”
See the difference? If so, you are on your way to being able to effectively communicate with your man!
Be Clear & Concise!
When you know what you want to communicate, the next step is delivering it in a concise manner. If you want your man to stop and pick up the dry cleaners you only say that and leave all of your other thoughts and feelings out of the request.
For example, saying something like this does not work, “Honey, I need my blue dress for work tomorrow because I have this important meeting with my boss who is driving me crazy, is there anyway you can pick it up for me after you pick up Suzy from dance class?”
However, saying it this way does work, “Honey can you please pick up my dry cleaning?”
By delivering a clear and concise message, he will have no problem understanding what you are saying. He will not have to navigate through your thoughts and feelings to try to decipher what you want.
Never Ever Nag!
As soon as a man feels you are nagging him, he will check out of the conversation! I liken it to Charlie Brown’s teacher. When she spoke to him all he heard was “wha-wha-wha” and in many respects that is what your man is hearing when he feels you are nagging him.
The important factor in this step is to know that what you consider to be nagging and what he considers to be nagging are two separate things.
You will mostly likely feel you are trying to express your feelings and perspective, while he will feel you are telling him he is not doing something right.
Would you like more effective communication skills to use? There is a whole chapter dedicated to this topic in the Its’ That Simple! relationship help book for women.
Considered to be the Best Relationship Coach and Nationally Recognized Relationship Expert Bree Maresca-Kramer M.A. has been featured on NBC, CBS, The CW, FOX NEWS, National Radio Programming, The Chicago Tribune, Shape Magazine, In-Touch Magazine, The Nest Magazine, Woman’s Day Magazine, E-Harmony, AOL, and is a Relationship Expert Columnist for The Huffington Post. She has a Master’s Degree in Mental Health Counseling and over fifteen years of clinical experience working with individuals and couples.
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