Monthly Archives: May 2013
Fighting Fairly Saves Your Relationship!
Relationship Help
Relationship Expert Bree Maresca- Kramer M.A.
In most relationships the “ego” is allowed to run amuck causing needless pain and damage to good relationships. The term ego here refers to that part of us that keeps us in a judgmental and negative place. It is the voice that says, “It is all your fault!” pointing the finger of blame and condemnation at our partner.
A key element in any successful relationship is keeping this ego perspective in check as much as possible. Below are some helpful tools to make sure the ego in kept under control:
Relationship Help Tip #1:
Stop!
Before allowing yourself to have an ego based emotional reaction at your partner be sure to stop and count. This may sound over simplified but it is a powerful relationship tool.
When we are having negative emotional reactions to our partner we are operating from the right hemisphere of the brain. When we stop, depending on the severity of the reaction, and count to ten or even one-hundred, we allow more logical thinking to take place.
You would not believe the hurtful and demeaning things I have heard couples say to one anther in the middle of arguments. The unfortunate part in this is that once this is done so is the damage!
Relationship Help Tip #2:
Edit!
Once we stop and count it is time to edit what and how we are going to say to the person we love. For in that moment when we feel like screaming at them, it is hard to “feel” that love for them. Therefore, choosing to check over what is going to come out of our mouth, knowing it can never be unsaid, is vital in keeping a relationship strong and healthy.
This may sound hard to do and can be if you have never practiced it before, however, with a firm commitment to it and a little self-control it can be done, avoiding incredible damage to your relationship.
Relationship Help Tip #3:
Time-Out!
Just as we give children “time-outs” we must do this for ourselves as well. It is a far safer practice to say to your partner, “I am very angry with you right now and need some time to cool off!” If you need to take a walk, call a friend, or go scream into your pillow do it but do not engage with your partner while you are in a heighted angered state.
Even though each person and relationship is unique there is one guarantee I can give everyone and that is, once you create damage to the relationship it takes work to heal it.
Relationship Help Tip #4:
Process!
At this point, you have stopped yourself from acting out from anger, edited what you want to say to your partner, and given yourself time to cool off. Now it is time to process or in other words work through the issue causing the argument.
This entails identifying what is the core of the argument and addressing that instead of symptoms of the argument. For example, if you are upset with your partner for being late all the time, with a little self-exploration you may discover that you are really upset because you feel disrespected by your partner.
Once you have identified the core issue then it is time to talk with your partner about it. The key word here is “with.” You want to be sure that you do not talk at your partner but instead create an environment where you both can share your feelings in order to reach a resolution.
For many couples they are not able to do this on their own and reach out to me for help. If you feel doing this on your own is too hard, reach me here and together we will heal your relationship!
For more information on Relationship Help Online please visit Bree’s website
http://itsthatsimple.ws/
Relationship Help For Men: What Women Want From Them!
Relationship Help For Men
Relationship Expert Bree Maresca-Kramer M.A.
The differences between men and women have frequently been described as a huge cosmic joke. Looking at it objectively, we have two very dissimilar species on the planet that are meant to create and sustain intimate relationships with, while each is thinking, feeling, and acting in very different ways.
How well can that go? The odds on that in Vegas would not be good at all!
However, the fact is that with a little information and understanding, this seemly impossible task can be attained quite easily.
How?
It begins with learning about the opposite sex. In other words, finding out why do women do, say, and act the way that they do that make no sense to men at all.
Once a man has a handle on this he is armed with right tools to get the job done.
After working with men for over fifteen years, I wrote a self-help relationship book just for men so they can not only gain an understanding about women but have a great relationship. In this book, the reader gains a deeper understanding of himself as a man along with what makes his woman tick, what she truly wants from him, and how to deliver it for successful results.
It may sound as if I am just trying to push my book here; however, the truth is that the way in which to attain this valuable information is not found in a few paragraphs.
For those men interested in getting the answers they need quickly and easily I encourage you to read:
It’s That Simple! A Self-Help Book On Relationships For Men
For those men who are not readers, they have another option and that is signing up for my Relationship Coaching Program for Men.
I work with my male clients one-on-one via phone sessions once a week. I walk each man through a simple to understand process of learning about themselves and their woman so they can have an incredibly satisfying relationship.
The bottom line is that there are answers available for you to break through the barriers in your relationship and successfully create a happy one for her and you!
For more information on Relationship Help Online please visit Bree’s website
http://itsthatsimple.ws/
Dealing With An Infidelity? Relationship Help From Expert Bree!
Relationship Help
Relationship Expert Bree Maresca-Kramer M.A.
When you find out you have been cheated on by someone you love the pain you experience can feel absolutely devastating. To be betrayed by your partner in this way is not only emotionally difficult and can bring you to your knees; it also negatively impacts the other areas of your life.
For those men and women who have gone through this, they report feeling unable to think clearly, perform at work, and some are even incapable of getting out of bed until the initial shock and impact wears off. They then move into anger, bargaining, and finally acceptance. In other words, those who go through this are actually moving through a grieving process; just as one does when they lose someone to death.
Each person is unique in the time frame in which they handle and react to this process; however, the course is always the same. If they go through the stages of grief and allow themselves to heal they can move forward with their life and relationship in a positive manner. On the other hand, if they do not allow themselves to feel these negative emotions or get stuck in one of these stages, this often will be reflected in their life, as they will remain stuck and unhappy.
Relationship Help From Expert Bree
I am frequently asked if a relationship can survive an infidelity. My blanket answer is always a resounding YES!
However, there is a qualifier that goes along with this answer and that is “willingness.”
Each partner must posses the readiness and motivation to work on and heal what caused the infidelity in the first place.
When I have two partners in this state, everything is possible. In fact, in most cases, their relationship not only makes it through the infidelity but also becomes healthier and stronger because of it.
I also have men and women who have been cheated on who want nothing further to do with their partner. They are looking for help in healing and moving on from it and their relationship. In these cases, as long as the person is willing to do the healing, they absolutely can create a whole new beautiful and thriving life.
For more information on Relationship Help Online please visit Bree’s website
http://itsthatsimple.ws/
Relationship Help For Men: When Your Woman Will Not Tell You What Is Wrong!
Relationship Help For Men
Relationship Expert Advice From Bree Maresca-Kramer
You try and try to do what you think will make her happy only to wind up with her upset or pissed off at you once again.
Does this sound familiar to you?
If so, you are not alone. This is one of the biggest problems men come to me for help with. They just cannot understand what they are doing wrong and how to make it right.
I wish I could write in this one article the answer that could help every man out there; however, each woman and relationship is different. Therefore, it takes looking at the individual relationship and discovering where the missing link is. In other words, where is his good intention of making her happy and her not responding occurring and why?
Relationship Help From Expert Bree Maresca-Kramer M.A.
There are things a man can do to solve this problem on his own. He can try different styles of making her happy. For instance, he could attempt new acts of service for her, listen to her when she talks with him, and bring some romance back into their relationship. He can ask her directly what it is he is doing wrong. He could also read a relationship help book to give him more guidance such as the It’s That Simple! Relationship Help Book For Men.
I always highly recommend starting with communication. The best way to solve any problem is to go to the source and talk it through. The problem that men report having with this is that the woman “will not tell me what is wrong.” When I hear this, I know there are deeper issues going on in the relationship. For a woman to get to the point of emotionally shutting down, there have been many things that happened to bring this reaction on.
This is usually the time when they come to me. They have tried everything and nothing is working for them. I help my male clients in this situation in several ways. The first is inviting the woman into the session with us to open up the lines of communication so we can address and heal the core issues. If she is not willing to do this and some women, believe it or not, are not then I walk him through a simple yet profound process of getting to the bottom of the issue and healing it.
I teach him what to look for, how to get her to open up, and then how to heal the issue/problem in a quick and easy manner.
The wonderful news is that with the right information and tools these issues can be fixed to create a happy and healthy relationship! If you are at the point of not knowing what else to do to help your relationship, learn more how I can help you by clicking here.
For more information on Relationship Help Online please visit Bree’s website
http://itsthatsimple.ws/
How To Stop Fighting With Your Spouse!
Relationship Help
Relationship Expert Bree Maresca-Kramer
There are many reasons couples fight with one another. However, there is one common thread that runs through each of these fights and that is; one or both partners are feeling unheard, misunderstood, or slighted.
When you put it into this simple context it makes perfect sense as to why arguments ensue. So now having this information, how do you stop fighting with your spouse?
Relationship Help Tip From Expert Bree #1:
Withhold!
The first step is to refuse to give into the temptation of “being right.” When we seek first to prove that we are right and our partner is wrong, we are missing the chance to avoid the discord.
You see, when there are two people, there are two stories or perceptions of the circumstance. Each person is “right” because it is true for him or her.
If you have a married couple fighting about money, when we get to the core of the fight, he feels she is not respecting his hard work to make money and she feels he is trying to control her, then he and she are both right. When you approach your relationship from this point, it opens you up to the next step….
Relationship Help Tip From Expert Bree #2:
Winning!
One person feeling as if they “won” the fight while the other feels defeated is never a win for the marriage. Winning occurs when both people feel they have been validated and are working together for a resolution for the issue.
For instance, if he feels that she now understands that when she spends more money than they have it causes him to feel overwhelmed and defeated, she is more likely not to do that. At the same time, if she feels he now understands that she feels controlled by certain tones or words he uses when it comes to money, he is more likely not to do that.
In the end, that “normal” fight, where each person is trying to win, will significantly decrease due to the understanding that each partner has attained.
Relationship Help Tip From Expert Bree #3:
Goals!
When a married couple mutually has the same goals for their relationship, they will each make it a priority to attain these goals. An important goal in any marriage is to have peace as a foundation in their relationship. When this goal is set, the couple is going to look to resolve their conflicts quickly and easily.
Another important goal in a good marriage is to attain the skills necessary to resolve conflicts. I use the term skills because that is what it takes. When human emotions erupt, as they will, one must have the skills to stay calm, be able to listen, and then have to skill set to come to a mutually satisfying resolution.
Ironically, these skills are not typically taught to people in school but are expected to occur in their upbringing. However, if the person did not have that type of role model how do they know how to do it? Simply, they do not! These skills must be learned and then applied on a daily basis.
Relationship Help Tip From Expert Bree #4:
Explosions!
Generally speaking, couples do not get to the point of exploding at one another in a few moments. It usually takes time to build up to such a place of interaction. That being said, one of the best ways to avoid arguing is to stop at the first sign of upset.
In other words, if your partner seems a bit irritated at something you did or said, instead of ignoring it or telling yourself you are right so it does not matter how they feel, pay attention to it. Address it immediately with your spouse so you can talk it through to a peaceful resolution.
Getting all the help you need for your marriage out of a simple article is not always possible. If you would like more one-on-one assistance from me, just fill out this contact form so I can help you and your marriage.
For more information on Relationship Help Online please visit Bree’s website
http://itsthatsimple.ws/
Bree Gives Relationship Expert Help For Men
Relationship Help For Men
Relationship Expert Bree Maresca-Kramer M.A.
The most common problems men face in relationships mainly have to do with not understanding women, more especially the woman they are in a relationship with.
Much of the time, the man is clueless that he is even doing any thing “wrong” until his woman lets him know in a not such nice way that she is angry with him. Then he is left to figure out why she is so upset and how to make it all better.
For many men this is like paddling a canoe upstream through the Colorado raging river!
Relationship Help Tip #1:
Know Your Woman!
The best defense is a good offense right?
Well, the same applies to your relationship. If you understand what your woman likes and does not like, you are already winning by half time. For example, if she really likes for you to take out the trash without being told, then by doing that you are avoiding future problems. Perhaps she likes to watch “chick flicks.” If you make plans to see one together without her having to ask it will work wonders in keeping her happy!
It really does not need to be complicated. Simply find out what she prefers and does not and follow that game plan. Remember when she is happy everyone is happy!
Relationship Help Tip #2:
Romance Her!
So many issues in an intimate relationship can be completely avoided when the intimacy is kept strong.
The best way to do this is to keep the spark alive. Again, this does not have to be difficult in any way. It is the simple little things that mean the most. Your woman wants to know you care enough to think to do special little things for her. It could be as simple as leaving her a “I love you” note to find in her day or sending a “Your beautiful” text. Sure women love flowers too but it is really about you letting her know you are thinking about her and love her.
Relationship Help Tip #3:
Keep Talking & Listening!
Do you remember in the beginning of your relationship how you were interested in what she thought and had to say?
Well, she always needs that from you. When you ask her how she is and listen to what she is really communicating to you, she feels loved by you. Of course, you have to do your part by sharing with her how you are and what you are experiencing as well. Basically it is keeping the lines of communication open and flowing that allows for quick resolution to problems. When couples do not have this anger and resentments build to the point of serious issues.
The goal for most men in relationships is to make their woman happy. Unfortunately, they fall short not because of a lack of desire but a lack of know how! I work with men all the time helping them understand their woman. The amazing thing is that once they get it, it is incredibly easy for them to accomplish their goal!
For more information on Relationship Help Online please visit Bree’s website
http://itsthatsimple.ws/
Top Three Relationship Help Tools For Men & Women!
Relationship Expert Bree Maresca-Kramer
Relationships can be one of the most beautiful enriching experiences of our lives. They can bring great joy, love, affection, and intimacy into our daily life. However, for those men and women who do not have the right relationship tools, things can become very difficult and painful.
I cannot tell you the numbers of couples I have worked with over the years who started off with everything going for them, yet when certain life circumstances happened, their relationship fell apart. Usually it had to do with having children, parenting style differences, career demands, in-law problems, financial issues, and a loss of intimacy. In each of these circumstances the couple could have avoided the problem if they had the right tools to work with.
I am here to share with you that this does not have to happen, even in the most trying of circumstances!
Relationship Help Tools For Men & Women #1:
Successful Communication!
It is almost a cliché at this point to say that being able to communicate well with one’s partner is important in a healthy relationship. However, numerous men and women just do not know how to accomplish this.
The bottom line fact is that men and women communicate in diffident styles, which often causes issues or problems in a relationship. The one sure-fire way to make sure this does not happen is to learn how to talk with and listen to your partner.
That is easy to say but where does a person learn how? Personally, I provide two ways for this…
The first is in the It’s That Simple! Relationship help book for men and the It’s That Simple! Relationship help book for women.
In each of these books the reader, be it a man or a woman, will learn the exact skills to be able to listen to and speak with their partner in a successful way. In other words, what they and their partner are trying to communicate is fully heard and addressed.
The second way I help both men and women with learning how to communicate is working with them directly one-on-one via phone sessions. For the most part, when I am working on just this issue with someone it can be successfully accomplished in just a few sessions.
Relationship Help Tools For Men & Women #2:
Keeping The Spark Going!
Once the initial honeymoon phase is over a relationship can fall into an all too common pitfall. What is it? I like to call it the “ho-hum” shift. This is when two people who once found each other sexually attractive and exciting now look past one another as if they were no longer sexual beings at all.
The clients I work with on this issue are delighted to find out that healing this issue actually is a lot of fun. I guide them through the process of falling in love and feeling great passion for each other again.
Relationship Help Tools For Men & Women #3:
Mutual Respect!
There is nothing that kills a relationship faster than disrespect. It is an insidious element that slowly but surely destroys even the best relationships.
Much of the time the disrespect starts off with little comments or innuendos. However, left unattended, it turns into full-blown resentments and contempt. The best way to avoid this altogether is to have boundaries in place that each partner is to treat the other with respect at all times, even in the middle of a fight.
Having a great relationship does not have to be complicated but it does take some know how! If you would like to work with Bree directly you can reach Bree here.
For more information on Relationship Help Online please visit Bree’s website
http://itsthatsimple.ws/
Why Doesn’t My Husband Change?
Relationship Help For Women
Relationship Expert Bree Maresca-Kramer M.A.
Quite often with great exasperation I will hear from my married women clients, “What is wrong with him? Why won’t he change?” They are feeling completely frustrated, angry, and bewildered as to why he just “doesn’t get it!” They are not sure what to do but do know they cannot keep going with the way things are.
Does this ring true for you?
If so, join the legions of women who are clueless on how to get their husband to understand them and what they desire.
Relationship Help From Expert Bree
Whether it is about not having to be told to help around the house, to take more interest in their children’s lives, or to show up and meet her emotional needs many married women are wondering if they made a huge mistake by picking their man!
I am a marriage and family advocate, the work I do with my clients is to educate, teach, and guide them towards having healthy, happy relationships and families. I work with clients from all over the United States, Canada, and Europe via telephone/Skype sessions. I walk each client through a personalized step-by-step healing process in order to take him or her from where they are currently (no matter how bad it is) to where they want to be.
I have had couples in the first session with me screaming at one another and saying they want a divorce be able to work through the healing steps to have a peaceful, loving, and strong marriage.
If there is willingness and a love, even if it is covered in multiple layers of anger and resentment, there is a way to turn a failing marriage around to a thriving one! I have done this for over fifteen years and know it works!
For more information on Relationship Help Online please visit Bree’s website
http://itsthatsimple.ws/
Why Couples Wind Up Needing Relationship Help!
Relationship Help For Couples
Relationship Expert Bree Maresca-Kramer M.A.
No one ever enters a relationship thinking that it is going to end badly. Quite the opposite occurs; our eyes are filled with rose-colored images and our hearts leap with excitement and joy. However, even the best of relationships can go south when certain things are overlooked or forgotten. Having worked with hundreds of couples over the last fifteen years, I have seen common elements that do cause damage and hurt good relationships.
Below are some of the necessary fundamentals to keep your relationship healthy and happy!
#1 from Relationship Help Expert Bree:
Respect!
Yes, R-E-S-P-E-C-T! The song Aretha Franklin made famous actually was, in its own right, extremely profound. When a couple has mutual respect for one another, they treat one another with kindness and understanding, even if they are upset or angry. When a couple loses respect for each other, it opens the door to bad behaviors, hurt feelings, resentments, and a breakdown in the foundation of their relationship.
#2 from Relationship Help Expert Bree:
Hearing!
One of the main issues I help men and women with in their relationship is being able to hear what their partner is actually saying to them. This is a natural art for some, but for most it takes learning how to do so.
Many times a relationship will fall apart not because the love is not present but more often due to a lack of effective communication skills. This is not breaking news but it is one thing to be informed that communication is a necessary part to a lasting relationship and another to be taught how. For this reason I put in these self-help relationship books for men and women exactly how to communicate with and hear what your partner is telling you. These books walk a man or woman step-by-step through learning how to get your message across and how to hear your partner’s message so instead of fighting or misunderstanding there is peaceful resolution.
A Man’s Book On Relationships, Life, Ourselves and The Healing Of It All
A Woman’s Book On Relationships, Life, Ourselves and The Healing Of It All
#3 from Relationship Help Expert Bree:
Passion!
Yes, passion, romance and intimacy are all extremely important in keeping the relationship thriving. For the most part, in the beginning these things tend to take care of themselves. However, a couple can get into trouble when these elements naturally dye down. This is when you will see the daily life stressors take over and replace these wonderful parts of the relationship. Career, financial, family, and/or health stressors become the focal point when a couple does not consciously keep the passion alive in their relationship.
The good news is that this one even if it has been lost for a long time is fun to fix. When I walk a couple through reigniting their spark process they love doing their homework!!
Simply addressing every element and/or issue and how to fix it in an article is impossible. Therefore, I work with men and women one-on-one to help them heal, rebuild, and make their relationship great!
For more information on Relationship Help Online please visit Bree’s website
http://itsthatsimple.ws/