What is the best relationship help advice you can give me Bree?...is a question I am frequently asked by both men and women. To answer this with just a catchy phrase or short reply would not serve anyone well. For that reason, below are key elements to fully answer this famous question!
Love is always the first place to come from with your relationship. When you look for ways to extend your love and give to your partner, more love will be created. Unfortunately, many times people are coming from a place of trying to "get" something from their partner. This "getting" can be a sense of validation, feelings of worthiness, affection, sex, money, etc. Anytime, we as humans lead with "getting" from another, it will always end in pain and disappointment. However, looking for ways to show and express your love to your partner opens doors of more love between you.
You always have a choice either to judge your partner for things you deem as "wrong" or to seek to understand why he or she said or did something. Coming from a place of understanding eliminates a great deal of unnecessary conflicts in the relationship. When you do this with your partner you are consciously looking to resolve things versus building walls of damage. Although this is a simple decision to make, applying it is key to making it work.
Once you look to understand why your partner did or said something that you feel hurt or offended by, you can open the door to forgiveness. When you hold onto being irritated, annoyed, or angry with your partner, it takes a great deal of work to undo the harm it causes. Many people mistakenly believe that if they forgive their partner it is excusing their harmful words or actions. However, this is not the case at all. Forgiveness lies in knowing that to hold a grievance towards another is keeping oneself imprisoned. When we forgive we release ourselves from all of the negative toxic consequences not forgiving brings.
Having compassion for your partner means to act in a loving, kind, giving, and considerate way towards him or her. In real everyday life when the stressors are weighing on you, it is tempting to take it out on your partner. In fact, this is where many couples get into trouble and start harming their relationship. By putting compassion ahead of criticism or judgment you are guaranteeing to have a much healthier and happier relationship overall.
Having a set intention for your relationship is very important as it avoids allowing life stressors to distract you from or harming your relationship. To do this you simply make your objective with and towards your partner to be kind and loving. In other words, you make it a priority to act in kind and loving ways in your relationship.
In a relationship we have the opportunity to reflect back to one another what is really going on inside of ourselves. If something you partner is doing is upsetting you, this is a great opportunity to discover something deeper about yourself. For example, you become very angry when your partner is late meeting you somewhere. When he or she finally arrives, you express your anger with yelling. You have the chance with this experience to ask yourself, "What is really going on with me?" It could be that it triggered something deeper for you —perhaps old feelings of not being respected or valued. Whatever "it" is, you have the ability to identify, address, and heal it rather than reacting to it and attacking your partner with it.
I absolutely love helping men, women, and couples with their relationship! It is incredible to witness the growth and happiness my clients experience.