Does the above statement sound familiar? If so, let me start by saying, you’re not alone! “Why is she always bitching at me?” is one of the most common complaints shared by my male clients who are in relationships with women.
In addition, almost every time this question is asked, it is with great frustration and a complete lack of understanding. While you might feel like your woman’s constant complaining will never end, the good thing is — there is a solution!
To start, allow yourself to address the situation from a place of understanding. Before any progress can be made in healing the tension, you must be ready to see things from her perspective, as well as your own.
Approaching your relationship from a place of understanding begins with gaining as much perspective as you can about what came before the "bitching."
Most of the time, your woman is complaining or venting because there is something going on within her emotionally, which makes her "act out" at you instead of effectively communicating with you.
There are times where a woman is actually dealing with much more complex emotional issues, such as a personality disorder, or a chemical or hormonal imbalance. If this is the case, in addition to your understanding, she will need to seek out professional help. However, healing these complex issues is very possible. For the purpose of this article, however, we will focus on assuming that your woman is simply acting out.
What may be the the root cause of her anger and frustration varies from woman to woman. Again, the key is to listen to her perspective and gain an understanding of what issues are troubling her specifically.
Simply ask her directly how she is feeling in a positive and loving manner. For example, you could say something like, “Honey, I love you, and I want you to be happy. It seems as if you are angry with me a lot. Do you think we can talk about it so we can find solutions together?”
Be prepared to know that with such a response, your woman may be taken aback by your willingness to listen, and she may not know how to respond in that moment! Give the conversation time. With your genuine concern and willingness, you will be able to bridge miles of communication gaps between you.
Getting to the bottom of what is truly causing your woman’s dissatisfaction will ultimately make you both much happier and your relationship more fulfilling.
When she does open up, make sure you provide for her all the time she needs to talk it through and process her feelings. This approach is vital in moving your relationship past the frequent bitching.
The key to remember is not to interrupt her or tell her how to fix the problem for both of these will cause further friction and shut down communication. Instead, stay focused on her, what she is trying to communicate to you, and listen quietly. When she is finished expressing her feelings, repeat back to her what you heard her say. For example, a response from an active listener sounds something like, “Honey, I heard you say that you feel overwhelmed with your job, the kids, the house, and you feel as if I’m not doing my share, is that right?” Then listen if she supports your interpretation of her message.
If you were not completely accurate, simply ask her to explain her feelings on the subject again because you really want to understand her feelings and make your relationship better. If you heard and reciprocated the correct message, thank her for sharing and opening up to you.
It is important not to become defensive or insist that you are right. By opening up to hear her perspective, actively listening and problem solving a solution together, you will soon see your communication work wonders for your relationship with less and less bitching along the way.
If you have tried using these tools and still need help with your relationship you can work with me directly!
I will help you fix your relationship to get it to a place where you are both very happy with one another. Contact me here - I look forward to helping you with your relationship!